you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
