There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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