I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
