I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
