Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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