..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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