my mouth tastes like poor choices
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
