Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
