Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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