If i come over, it means nothing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
