Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
