You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize