I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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