Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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