I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
