I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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