and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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