i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
