Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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