It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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