It was confusing and full of hummus
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
