I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize