you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
