Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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