Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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