i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
