wrigley field is MILF paradise
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
