i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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