I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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