So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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