I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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