Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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