He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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