Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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