please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
