I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
