Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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