why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
how drunk are you?
Several
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
