I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
