Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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