At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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