I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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