rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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