batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I understand Curling. That high.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
