i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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