At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
