we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize