Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
