Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
