Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
