She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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