I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize