Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
