Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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