4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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