I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
