I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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