cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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