Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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