i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
