I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
