Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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