your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
