hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
