i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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