I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
