Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
