Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
