That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
