you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
