I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
