I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
